Enter the white teletubby is a episode of the teletubbies show."One day, in Teletubbyland," said the Narrator, "the Teletubbies were just getting out of bed."
(The Narrator, as you will know if you watch Teletubbies on TV, has tremendous power, in that whatever he says, the Teletubbies must do. If he says "Po decided to roll down a hill" then she will do so, and when he says it's time for Tubbytoast then it is, even if it's their 2973rd helping of Tubbytoast that day.)
The Teletubbies - Tinky Winky, Dipsy, La La and Po were just getting up. It took them a full 5 minutes before they managed to get the silver blankets off themselves and get wide awake. This was a long time, considering that a full day in Teletubbyland was approximately 30 minutes.
The Narrator spoke again. He said,"It was time for Tubbycustard."
"Tubbytustard!" shouted all of the Teletubbies at once, seemingly overjoyed at the thought of getting half a bowl of pink slop, "Tubbytustard!"
In an instant, all of the Teletubbies were lined up at the Tubbycustard Machine, each with a matching bib.And, since tinky winky was the biggest, he got first dibs at Tubbycustard.
On the Tubbycustard Machine were three controls - a lever, a button and a special red button. Tinky Winky pulled the lever, and out came a bowl. He pressed the button, which lowered the arm of the Machine down till the end of it, a shower-nozzle like implement, came to rest above the bowl. (The button to make the shower nozzle was very important, since one time Po forgot about it and ended up covered in Tubbycustard.) He then pressed the special red button. This was his favourite one, as it made the Tubbycustard shoot out of the nozzle in big blobs, each going "Splop!" as it fell into the bowl. Once the bowl was half full, Tinky Winky pressed the button to make the arm of the Machine go back up. He then went to the table and sat down, ready to eat his bowl of Tubbycustard.
"Tubbytuttard!" exclaimed Tinky-winky, who never quite said things the same as the others. "Tubbytuttard!"
The next four Teletubbies did more or less the same thing, except that Dipsy, as usual, made a song and dance about it. They then ate all of their Tubbycustard, via a straw that was implemented into rubber tubing surrounding the bowl. Noo-noo, the hoover, was as usual hoping that someone would spill their Tubbycustard so that he could hoover it up. He often sucked up to the Teletubbies.
The Narrator spoke again. He said, "The Teletubbies had the sudden urge to go outside and go for a walk."
"Going for a walk!" agreed all the Teletubbies in unison.
And, as usual, the Teletubbies went straight out the automatic doors of their house and went for a walk. All except Po, of course, who decided to zoom around on her scooter. If there was anyone who could defy the Narrator it was Po.
"Po loves her scooter," commented the Narrator. But Po was too busy whizzing everywhere on her scooter to hear him.
Suddenly the windmill started spinning and pink sparks flew from it. At once the Teletubbies said in unison, "Uh-oh!" Po even got off her scooter. They all knew what the windmill meant. It meant there was a TV programme imminent.
The Teletubbies fell over onto the grass and the aerials on their head lit up in turn. They then stood up, put their hands on their bum, the grey squares on their bellies lit up for a second, and eventually a TV program came onto one of their bellies.
It was Dipsy's turn for the programme to be on his belly. He picked Channel 4, and all the other Teletubbies cheered and crowded around to watch. Dipsy didn't seem to mind that he was being forced to watch upside-down. He didn't even make a song and dance about it.
But instead of the usual crap "Digging in the sand for Worms" or "Looking at Swans" that the Teletubbies all loved and watched again and again, it was another Teletubby on TV. A white Teletubby.
"Eh-o!" cried all the Teletubbies at once, as if the person on Dipsy's belly could hear him.
As if by magic, the white Teletubby jumped out of Dipsy's belly.
"Oooh!" gasped the Teletubbies in amazement, as this was the first time that they had ever seen a Teletubby with a Satellite Dish on his head rather than an aerial.
"What are you guys on?" asked the white Teletubby. It seemed that unlike Tinky Winky, Dipsy, La La and Po, this kid had some sense between his ears.
"Whassat?" asked the Teletubbies, as if someone could hear them. In fact the Narrator could hear them and usually answered all of their questions. But he had no answer to this question.
"It was another Teletubby," the Narrator finally concluded.
"Oooh!" gasped the Teletubbies again, which was what they usually said when they didn't know what to say.
The white Teletubby spoke again. "I've seen a toaster with more sense than you lot put together.
"Tubbytoast!" cried the Teletubbies, as if misunderstanding what the new Teletubby meant.
"Who are you guys anyway?" the new Teletubby asked. This was the cue for their third favourite thing, the other two being Tubbytoast and Tubbycustard.
"Tinky Winky!" cried Tinky Winky, in his weird voice.
"Dipsy!" shouted Dipsy, making a song and dance about it.
"La La!" giggled La La, laughing as she always did about anything.
"Po!" said Po, in her whispery voice.
"Ooh!" cried La La. "Ita another Teletubby! Who dat?"
"I'm Tubbs," replied the white Teletubby. "What do you have to do to get some food around here?" The Teletubbies all knew what to say.
"Tubbytoast!" Tubbs was getting a bit fed up with them and their Tubbytoast. The Narrator decided to step in help.
"Then Tubbs decided to sit down on the grass and go to sleep," he said.
"No I bloody didn't!" retorted Tubbs. He was even better than Po at not doing what the Narrator said. Somehow Tubbs wasn't quite the same as all the other Teletubbies.
"I'm getting just a bit p***ed off at you and your Tubbytoast," Tubbs commented. "Anyone got a phone so I can order a Pizza?"
"Phone?" said the Teletubbies. "Whassat?" Tubbs took Tinky Winky's bag and pulled out a touch-tone BT-compliant mobile phone.
"Oooh!" cried the Teletubbies. "Whassat?" Tubbs was getting just a bit tired with the reccuring "Whassat?"
"IT'S A STUPID PHONE!" roared Tubbs. "And shut your faces or I'll shut them for you." He dialed up Magic Pizza Hut and ordered a Triple Deluxe Deep Pan Stuffed Crust Special with everything on it and NO anchovies. It's a well-known cliche that you NEVER order anchovies with an everything-on-it pizza. In one minute a Magic Pizza Hut delivery bike arrived with a pizza, Tubbs paid for it with a £5 note.
"Tubbs," asked Po, "Can Po have a bitta Pizza?"
"Sure," replied Tubbs, "I'll do anything if it'll get you to wise up."
"And then," said the Narrator, "do you know what happened?"
"No..." replied the Teletubbies, except for Tubbs who had his head screwed on properly."
"All the Teletubbies ate some of Tubbs' pizza."
"Yay!" laughed the Teletubbies, "Tubbypizza!"
"No." corrected Tubbs. "Tubbs' Pizza."
The Teletubbies all liked their Pizza, after which they were so full that they couldn't eat another bite. Except for Tubbs, who had four pieces and still wasn't full.
"The Teletubbies," siad the Narrator, "love each other very much." They all said, "Big Hug," and hugged. Except for Tubbs, who thought that it was all a bit dodgy with all these guys hugging each other.
Outside, the whirlwind went round and pink parks flew out of it.
"Uh-oh!" giggled the Teletubbies, except for Tubbs who thought that the Teletubbies were all on LSD trips. The Teletubbies all went outside, sat down on the grass and watched today's show. This one was a sort of Fractal Tree with rendered leaves and birds on it. The Teletubbies loved this sort of thing more than Tubbytoast.
"AHHHHHHH!" roared Tubbs. "How can you stand this crap?" He was probably right, the graphics had been rendered with Macs.
Soon later, a Speaker popped up and said, "Time for TubbyByeBye, Time for TubbyByeBye!"
"Oh!" sighed the Teletubbies, and went up behind their hills.
"Bye Bye Tinky Winky," said the Narrator.
"Bye Bye," said Tinky Winky, disappering behind the hill. The, Dipsy, Laa-laa and Po did the same thing, but Dipsy made a song and dance about it and La La giggled.
Then up they jumped . "Boo!" they cried. All the Teletubbies had a big laugh about it (especially La La).
"No..." said the Narrator. "Bye Bye Tinky Winky." And so the same thing happened again, until they go to Tubbs.
"Bye Bye Tubbs," said the Narrator.
"Bye Bye," said Tubbs, hiding behind a hill as he had nothing better to do.
The Teletubbies then jumped down the hole in the top of their hill that led to the slide in their house. All in order, with Po first.
"Bye Bye!" said Po, jumping into the hole.
"Bye Bye!" said Tinky Winky, jumping into the hole.
"Bye Bye!" said Dipsy, jumping into the hole.
"Bye Bye!" said La La, jumping into the hole.
"Bye Bye!" said Tubbs, as he had nothing better to do. He was thinking whether or not to jump into the hole. He decided just to jump in.
Suddenly a shot rang out, the explosion echoing again and again around the hill that the four Teletubbies lived in. For a moment all was in utter confusion, especially so for Tubbs. He had been the *unfortunate* victim of the attack, and the shot had blown the sattelite dish clean off his head. It was a slow death, and as the world faded into darkness for Tubbs he caught only a glimpse of his attacker. A Teletubby, with a gun of some sort, the aerial was a strange one, and the colour - it was no use. It was all black now.
Up popped Po from the hole. "Bye Bye!" she said in her whispery voice, holding a loaded UZI in her left hand, which she thens shoots from before she goes back into the hole.